Last updateTue, 22 May 2018 10pm

Modern Day Selling - The Modern Day Store: Article V Understanding your defining moments in life


There are many great truths I have shared in my previous articles that are designed to bring value and purpose to your career and life. This month I am very excited to share with you a special truth that has the potential to change your life in a profound way. It is the importance of understanding your defining moments in life and how they have impacted your life. You see, there are a handful of moments in life that define who you are, and understanding what they were will allow you to find the hidden mysteries of your life.

Defining moments are just like pieces of a puzzle that when understood and connected will help you see the big picture of your life. The problem is that many people are never able to piece together these moments and see their life in clarity. All they have is a stack of puzzle pieces with no vision of what they should create. Could you imagine trying to put together a puzzle without a picture to visualize what it should look like? It would be near impossible to complete. The first important part in discovering your defining moments in life is to understand the difference between defining moments and memories.

Defining moments can be easily identified by the lasting impact that they have had on your life, whether it be good or bad. In order to help you better understand I will share with you a few defining moments from my life.

My first defining moment that I can remember happened when I was four years old. I had a crush on a little girl and did what any four year old would do; I sent my friend over to tell her. What happened next would define years of insecurity and low self-esteem. The little girl and her friend began to laugh at me and started throwing wooden blocks at me. I quickly ran for cover behind a big wheelbarrow and will never forget the feeling of shame and rejection that I felt at that very moment. This moment would define me for many years to come.

That defining moment may seem childish and silly, but make no mistake of the impact that it had on my life. You see I have been rejected by others throughout my life, but none of them had the lasting impact of this defining moment. The rest were just memories that faded away over time and had no major impact on my life. I shared this defining moment first so you could understand the difference between a defining moment and a memory as you look over your life and discover who you really are.

Another important truth about defining moments is that there are good defining moments as well as bad defining moments. Some good defining moments in my life would be the birth of my son Austen or my very first seminar where I presented Modern Day Selling last year at the SJTA Atlanta Jewelry Show. These were great positive defining moments that have continued to grow and bring me many blessing in life.

However, in order to make true and lasting change within, you must be able to understand your negative defining moments and see them with clarity. It is within your negative defining moments in life where you will find many of the answers to life’s toughest questions.

The next defining moment I will share with you is one of great loss. It is something that we all must go through in life and when it happens it can define you in a positive way or a negative way. The choice is up to you!

My brother and his wife had tried to have children for almost eight years without any luck. So when the news came that they were going to have triplets we were all so happy and excited for them. After six months a new excitement filled the air as we awaited these three little blessings. Then one night the phone rang and we received the news that my sister in law had given birth early and there was very little chance that the little ones would survive. We held on to hope thinking that God was setting the stage for a miracle. Unfortunately, within two days all three little ones were called back to their maker and we were all devastated. I have never cried as hard as I did that night. Even as I write this, there are tears forming as I share this defining moment in life with you.

Through such chaos, something amazing began to happen within me that night. In my brokenness my heart was softened and I began a process of positive change that is still taking place to this day. Suddenly life had more of a purpose and meaning. Without that change I could have never discovered the great truths within Modern Day Selling.

I had a choice to make when that defining moment occurred. I could allow it to devastate me and make me crumble within to a life of bitterness and sorrow; or I could learn from it, see it with clarity and use it for a greater good. As you begin to look within and discover your defining moments in life I encourage you to look intently at the effects that it has had on your life. If it was a negative effect, the good news is that it is not too late to change it to a positive. After discovering the defining moment as a child I was able to overcome my insecurity and low self esteem and now find great strength and confidence in who I am and what I am called to do for this world.

This leads me to share my third and final defining moment for this article. As a little boy I was raised that marriage was special and that you should always do whatever you can to make it work. As of last August my third marriage had ended in another divorce as each wife had decided to leave me for various reasons. With each one, I was totally committed to see it through to the end, but success cannot be found if one side decides to leave.

This left me with many questions within. What is wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? I am not a bad guy and feel that I have a lot to offer someone special. As I began to examine each marriage with truth and clarity I was able to unlock the hidden mysteries within and create The Modern Day Store: Creating a Unified Store which was released world-wide on February 22.

When you are able to see your negative defining moments in life with clarity and truth, amazing things will begin to happen. In your weakness you can become strong. Everything that has happened throughout your life has a divine purpose and plan whether you know it or not. However, when you are able to put the pieces of your life’s puzzle together you will begin to see the big picture of your purpose and meaning in life. In fact today, this article could be one of your defining moments in life that will impact you in a meaningful way.

In closing I encourage you to explore this truth within your store as well as your life. Just like your life’s defining moments, your store has a history of defining moments that have created what you see today. As you begin to explore, make sure and focus intently on any negative defining moments and there you will find many of the answers that you desire.

When I visit stores and teach about defining moments, people will be amazed at the vast depth to which it can be applied. It is my hope and prayer that this article has opened your eyes to a new world of freedoms waiting to be found.

Brian Barfield offers fresh insight in sales training and teaching people how to reconnect with one another. His first 2 books “Modern Day Selling” and “The Modern Day Store” are available on many websites in paperback and e-book. For more information about his proven sales techniques or on speaking or training seminars he can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..